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that I destroy the video. Something about “embarrassing the brand.” But I still have the script:
<Tiptoe into room. Pinch fingers, make ziiiiiiip! motion across lips, wink at cameras.>
<Do classic startled double-take at members of Congress.>
<Furrow eyebrows, make Trump-like ducky face, push hand at them as if to say, “Oh, please, girlfriend — stop!”>
<Stand, legs shoulder width apart, bend down and pretend to lift, with great effort, a huge weight.>
<Drop weight on head of colleague who has already taken her seat. Make mischievous “oops!” face and cover mouth with hand.>
<Turn to face Congress, yawn. Yawn again. Squint in their direction, as if just realizing someone is talking.>
<Cup hand over ear and make old man “Eh? What’s that?” face.>
<Yawn again. Slap thighs, stand up, and stretch.>
<Do a sun salutation.>
<Pretend to be a DJ, ear to shoulder, one hand on an invisible turntable, and mouth “wika-wika-wika” scratching sound.>
<Jam hands in pockets, turn up jacket collar, light invisible cigarette, head for the door.>
<At the door, turn and give everyone the finger.>
<Raise hand for silence. Turn back to room, pull out phone, take selfie, tweet.>
<Once outside, run after black car. Return to sidewalk because it’s the wrong car. Whistle a Wu Tang song distractedly.>
The oldest medicinal pitch in the world, it seems, is longer life. Every generation, every decade, has its efforts, its programs, its products, and the press trips over itself to report the latest. After all, who doesn’t want to live longer? Here’s one way to frame the coverage:
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Defy old age, perhaps one pill away;
A combo or (for connoisseurs) a flight.
Wise ones ask us if we think it right
To scratch out desperate fistfuls more of days
Run through with tubes and therapeutic blight.
Then siren calls of stronger knees and sight
Keen again, youth’s fountain on its way,
And you’ll dance against the dying of the light!
We all wish to wind down with joy not fright,
Our instinct to consume what they purvey.
But eye askance, let questions hold the day,
Do not go gentle into that good night.